Me: Looks like you should have attended the Golden Globes

Mom: Aren’t they great, imagine Marah [my dog] with it. I thought they were only $2500

Me: They are cute and all, but I think they would make a big mess and I hate the sound of pigs squealing.

Mom: they are very cute and they don’t squeal if you let them be plus i think they go in a litter box

Me: Stop trying to convince me that getting a pig is a good idea. Maybe if you lived on a farm. Maybe.

Mom: Paris [Hilton] doesn’t live on a farm and I’m sure 90% of those stars don’t either and they are getting a piggy, my piggy.

Me: That’s because they are rich and can afford someone to look after their pets. Pigs are farm animals. And food.